


“But I’m not gay!”

by aoishmex



Category: Jrock, SCREW (Band), the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Crossover, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 20:52:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17231009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aoishmex/pseuds/aoishmex
Summary: Based on the ORICON PSP 1800 Vol.20 article: Kazuki agonizes over his unrequited feelings for his senpai. Everyone can see his feelings--except Aoi.





	1. Chapter 1

“You and Kazuki-san seem to get along really well, Aoi-san,” Hitsugi pointed out. He and the two guitarists in question were standing in the doorway of Screw’s practice room discussing their weekend plans. They had decided on a late night of drinking with the prospect of sleeping in the next day.  
“Of course we do!” Aoi grinned, throwing an arm around Kazuki’s shoulders. “We see each other so often we do practically everything together. He even met my parents!”  
“Your parents? Are you two getting married?” Hitsugi joked with a waggle of his eyebrows.  
“No, it’s not like that! I’m not gay!” the eldest protested quickly.  
Kazuki and Hitsugi laughed. The brunet wrapped an arm around Aoi’s waist. “It’s okay, sempai, I still love you,” he smiled.  
Hitsugi gasped. “He loves you?!”  
“No, no, no!” Aoi shouted and detached himself from the younger man. “I’m not gay!” he insisted. The younger guitarists laughed harder. “I’m going to get my things ready and see if Kai will let me go for the day,” Aoi told them.  
“I’ll tell the others practice is over,” Kazuki said. “Give me twenty minutes?”  
“Sure. I’ll wait down the hall,” Hitsugi agreed and walked out of the doorway with Aoi.  
The brunet began gathering his things, carefully placing his guitar in its case first. Then he put his sheet music and other belonging into his handbag. The others were still recording down the hall. As soon as one of them came back he could dismiss everyone and go out with his friends.  
Kazuki paused when he heard Aoi’s voice in the hall. He remembered, suddenly, the two had yet to decide on their plans for the end of the month. The guitarist decided to ask him now while it was fresh in his mind. The brunet had just reached the doorway when he heard another voice. This one was familiar, too. Kazuki hesitated before looking out in to the hallway.  
“So Hitsugi’s stealing you away again?” Uruha quirked as he leaned against the wall, a cigarette between his fingers.  
“Kazuki’s going to be there, too,” Aoi replied.  
“Oh, your boyfriend is going! That makes Hitsugi the third wheel,” the taller stated.  
“He’s not my boyfriend!” the raven haired guitarist retorted, smacking his band mate on the thigh.  
Uruha laughed. “Oh, please.”  
“He’s not! I’m not gay!”  
The younger man chuckled and took another drag. “You two don’t fool me, Aoi. The kid adores you—anyone can see that.”  
Aoi took a firm hold of the other man’s wrist. The brunet’s smile disappeared and he turned slowly to look at him with a steady gaze. “Shut up,” the elder hissed through clenched teeth.  
Uruha gave a daring smirk. He leaned closer to the other man. “Be careful, Aoi,” he warned in a playful tone, “you know I like it rough.”  
“Oh, do you?” the elder inquired with a smirk of his own. “Maybe I’ll come over later and show you how rough I can be,” he suggested.  
“Tonight? Don’t make me wait too long, Aoi, or I might already be drunk by the time you get there,” the taller winked.  
“I don’t mind. You’re easier to handle when you’re drunk; more…submissive,” Aoi whispered.  
“Oooh!” Uruha voiced, brows raised with intrigue. “Are you going to make me beg?”  
The raven haired guitarist pulled him closer by the wrist. “Until you scream.”  
The younger man burst into laughter and moved back to his original place against the wall. “You’re so gay!”  
“I’m not gay!” Aoi barked. The brunet continued to laugh. The elder scoffed and shook his head, sliding his hand from Uruha’s wrist into his hand. Uruha returned the gesture, locking their fingers together in a natural motion.  
Kazuki’s heart gave a pained thump. The brunet disappeared back behind the doorway, leaning against the wall for support. Why was he fooling himself? Aoi was never that affectionate with him—or anyone else, for that matter. Uruha was the only one with whom he was so intimate. Kazuki collapsed to the floor. He knew he could profess his love every day and it would make no difference. He could laugh it off; pretend nothing was wrong. He had done it only minutes before in front of Hitsugi, but as soon as he saw Aoi with Uruha his façade crumbled.  
Aoi would never know Kazuki meant what he said. He would never know something was wrong beneath Kazuki’s cheerful smile. He would never see the pain Kazuki was in. Aoi would never know. And Aoi would never know that when he said, “I’m not gay,” what Kazuki really heard was, “I don’t love you.”  
Kazuki struggled for breath as tears rushed from his eyes. He clamped a hand over his mouth to stifle the sound, Aoi and Uruha’s laughter filling his ears. Something tugged at one of his piercings and he pulled his hand away to see what it was. The pain in his heart only grew as he looked at the ring Aoi had given him; a present he had been so happy to receive he was certain he loved the elder even more. Now it gave him pain. The cold band was wet from his tears, a fresh round streaming down his face the more he looked at it. He doesn’t love me.  
(extended ending below)  
“Oh. I should go tell Kazuki I’ll be waiting with Hitsugi,” Aoi said from the hall. “I’m going to grab my things.”  
The brunet gasped. He couldn’t let Aoi—or Hitsugi—see him as such a mess. Kazuki scrambled to his feet and ran to the couch, hiding behind the side where he was out of view of the doorway. Again he pressed a hand to his mouth to stay silent, using both hands for good measure. He waited, in agonizing silence, for Aoi to return, but the voice he heard next was someone else’s.  
“Zuki…?” Manabu ventured. The elder jumped. “Aren’t you supposed to be going with Aoi and Hitsugi-sempai?” Kazuki looked up. Manabu blinked in surprise when he saw tears running down his band mate’s face. The brunet was about to speak when a new voice came from the door and made him freeze.  
“Kazuki, we’re ready to…” Aoi stopped as he looked around the room. His brow creased in confusion. “Manabu-kun, do you know where Kazuki-kun went?” he asked.  
“Um, I…” The guitarist caught Kazuki shaking his head out of the corner of his eye. “… Haven’t seen him,” the other said quickly as casually as he could.  
“Hmm…” the elder mused. “Well, his stuff is still here so he can’t have gone far. I’ll be back,” he said and made his way down the hall in search of Kazuki.  
Manabu turned to the hiding brunet. “What’s going on?” he whispered.  
Kazuki managed a choked sob. “My heart…”  
“What?” The younger crouched down in concern. “Are you sick?” The other shook his head. Manabu was about to ask more when footsteps came back toward their practice room. He stood quickly, pretending to look at something on his phone.  
“I can’t find him,” Aoi announced. “Do you think he could be on the roof having a smoke?”  
“Well… I didn’t see him walking that way past the recording studio,” Manabu said—which was not a lie.  
“Shit…”  
“What’s going on?” Hitsugi asked, appearing beside the other.  
“Kazuki disappeared.”  
“I’ll help you look,” the other offered. “It’ll take less time with two of us.”  
“I’ll help, too,” Uruha said.  
Manabu caught the pain that set on Kazuki’s face and the pieces clicked together in his head: Aoi and Uruha. “I’ll wait here in case he comes back,” he told them.  
“Let’s check the roof just in case,” Uruha said and the three set off down the hall.  
The darker brunet waited until they were well down the hall before moving. “Zuki. Come on, I’ll take you home. You can spend the weekend at my place, okay?” Kazuki nodded and got to his feet. Quickly the two gathered their belongings and headed out of the practice room, Manabu making sure the search party was not in sight before they headed down the hall. Manabu held the crying man’s hand the whole time. “Almost there,” he soothed as they neared the main entrance.  
They were already through the door when they heard Aoi call out behind them. “Kazuki!”  
Manabu sat on the couch next to his band mate and handing him a mug of coffee. “What happened?” he asked gently.  
Kazuki hesitated. “I saw them talking in the hall… flirting… And then they held hands.” His eyes moistened with fresh tears. Manabu reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I love him, Mane…” the elder choked. “He doesn’t think it’s serious but it is. I love him. I really love him,” Kazuki said and burst into sobs.  
His band mate gave a heavy sigh. “I know, Zuki.”  
“Kazuki-kun!”  
The brunet turned and put on his usual, cheerful smile. “Good morning, Aoi-san.”  
“What happened to you on Friday? You disappeared on us,” Aoi scolded.  
“Sorry. Manager-sama needed me to stay behind and look over some things for the next Screw TV episode.”  
Aoi gave a confused look. “So that wasn’t you I saw leaving with Manabu?” The brunet gave an innocent shake of his head. “Hmm… Hey, are we still on for the end of the month?” the elder asked as an after-thought.  
Kazuki grinned. “Of course!”  
“Great,” Aoi smiled back. “See you later,” he said and turned down the hall.  
“See you,” the brunet returned. His smile faded with a sigh.  
Aoi would never know.


	2. Chapter 2

By the end of the month nearly everyone had forgotten about the incident a few weeks prior. Aoi and Kazuki were planning their mini-vacation for the long weekend ahead of them. The younger guitarist was his usual, cheerful self, focusing on work and joking around with his band mates as he had before. He was planning to treat Manabu to dinner as a thank you for his help but had not had the opportunity. Kazuki had also become a better actor over the past few weeks. He was able to smile normally when he caught Aoi and Uruha in the hall. He could laugh and say, “I love you.” Any hurt or sadness he felt was unknown to others. Kazuki appeared as the most cheerful person in the company for nearly two weeks. He was never sad or angry, and if he was he never let on.  
One night practice had run from very early in the morning to very late at night, leaving the guitarist mentally exhausted. He simply sat on the couch and stared off in to space. Manabu andJinhad gone to get everyone drinks from the nearest vending machine while Byou and Rui took the chance to go down the hall to see their friends. Kazuki looked over to the door when he heard a knock. “Aoi-sempai.”  
“Hey,” the elder greeted as he made his way to the brunet. “Reita said he came by and thought you looked a bit off. Is everything okay?” Aoi asked.  
“Yeah; everything’s fine. I’m just really tired, that’s all,” Kazuki explained. He blinked when the other man cupped his face in his hands.  
“You’re not coming down with something, are you? You’re one of the most hyperactive people I know so if your stamina is low something must be wrong,” Aoi stated bluntly.  
The younger shook his head. “I’m not sick, I promise.”  
“Are you sure?”  
Kazuki laughed when Aoi pressed a hand to his forehead. “Yes, I’m sure. I’m just tired.”  
The elder smiled. “Good. Are you looking forward to our vacation? I was thinking you could spend the night at my place the night before so we can leave earlier.”  
“Yeah!” Kazuki exclaimed with his eyes lit up with excitement.  
Aoi chuckled. “It’s been a while since you’ve been over, hasn’t it?” The younger nodded several times. “I can’t wait,” the other guitarist admitted before kissing the brunet on the forehead. Kazuki blinked rapidly in surprise.  
“Aw, how sweet!” a voice came from the door and the two looked over. “I hate to ruin the mood,” Uruha apologized with a grin.  
Aoi straightened up quickly. “There is no mood!” he flustered.  
“Be careful what you say, Aoi; you might hurt your boyfriend’s feelings,” the tall brunet scolded lightly.  
“He’s not my…”  
Kazuki stood abruptly from the couch, pushing Aoi aside and cutting him off in the process. “Excuse me,” he said, voice cold, and stalked out of the room.  
“Kazuki?”  
Uruha stared after the retreating guitarist in confusion. “Is he okay?” he asked, turning to his band mate.  
Aoi shrugged. “He said he’s fine.”  
The younger raised a brow. “He doesn’t look fine.”  
“Well…” The elder scoffed in annoyance. “If something was wrong he would have told me!”  
“Would he have? You’re not his boyfriend, Aoi,” Uruha said in a pointed tone. Aoi stared at him. “Kai says to come back to practice—now,” the taller added. He left the doorway without another word.  
Kazuki ran in to Manabu on his way back to the practice room. “Mane,” he voiced to get the other’s attention. “Do you want some help?” the taller asked with a gesture to the drinks the younger was carrying.  
“Yeah, that’d be great,” Manabu smiled gratefully. Kazuki took two drinks in his hands and the two continued down the hall. “What are you doing out here?”  
“I needed a walk so I wouldn’t fall asleep,” the elder replied. “Hey, do you want to go to dinner Friday night? I want to thank you for helping me.”  
“You don’t have to do that,” the darker brunet insisted. “Besides, I can’t. I have a date.”  
“With Tohya.”  
Manabu looked at him in shock. “Tohya? No; we’re just friends!” he said with an amused laugh.  
“Then who is it with?” Kazuki pressed.  
“Sakito-san.”  
His band mate nearly froze in shock. “Sakito-san? As in, Hitsugi’s band mate?” he quirked. The younger nodded. “How long has this been going on?” Kazuki demanded.  
Manabu thought for a moment. “Almost three months. Don’t tell the others, okay? They would tease me to no end.”  
“I won’t,” the elder promised. “What happened to Jin?” he asked, suddenly remembering the drummer was supposed to be with them.  
“He left early with Tsurugi-kun. We probably won’t see him until tomorrow,” Manabu replied with an underlying meaning. Kazuki laughed.  
Kazuki’s cell phone vibrated in his pocket with a message. It was from Aoi, telling him to come inside on his own once he arrived at his apartment. The brunet gave a giddy smile of excitement. Aoi was taking Kazuki to a resort the younger had wanted to go to since he was little. Now Kazuki was finally getting the chance. The last few blocks to the elder’s apartment seemed to take longer than usual. Once he reached the apartment complex Kazuki practically ran to the elevator and willed the machine to reach the right floor faster. The brunet left the elevator, found the right apartment unit door, and walked inside with a deep breath to compose himself.  
When Kazuki made it past the foyer, however, his excitement dropped like an elevator that had plummeted to the basement. He watched Aoi sitting on the couch, Uruha’s head on his lap, the raven haired man twisting his fingers through the other man’s long brown hair. Uruha giggled at something Kazuki hadn’t heard Aoi say. His eyes met Kazuki’s, then, and he sat up with a jolt, Aoi’s fingers still tangled in his hair. “What are you doing?” the elder asked incredulously. Uruha untangled his hair and pointed to the living room entryway. Aoi looked where he was pointing, eyes widening when he saw the frozen brunet. “Hey,” he said slowly. “I didn’t hear you come in.”  
Kazuki looked at him with a hard gaze. “I can see that.”  
“I’ll see you later,” Uruha mumbled, grabbed his keys off the coffee table, and headed for the door. He cast Kazuki an apologetic look as he passed.  
Aoi and Kazuki stared at each other in silence as Uruha left, the sound of the apartment door closing behind him seeming ten times louder. “Are you okay?” the elder ventured.  
“Why…?” Aoi looked at him in confusion. “Why do I have to love someone who doesn’t love me?” the other asked in a voice barely above a whisper. Suddenly his expression turned angry. “This was supposed to be the beginning of our vacation and you can’t be away from Uruha for even one night of it?” the brunet snapped.  
“We were working,” the other replied slowly.  
“Working? On what; your pillow talk?” Kazuki quipped.  
Aoi’s brow creased. “What are you talking about? It’s not like that; I’m not gay.”  
“No, you’re not… for anyone else but Uruha. Don’t you understand? It hurts me to see you two like that because I love you!”  
“I know you do.”  
“No, you don’t know!” Kazuki cut him off. “You think I’m joking. You don’t think I’m serious when I say I love you. And you don’t know, that every time I see you being so intimate with Uruha, my heart breaks because I know you don’t love me back!” Aoi was speechless. He stared at the seething brunet not knowing what to say. “Why do I have to love you?” Kazuki asked aloud as tears welled in his eyes. “Why? Why does it have to hurt so much?!” he cried. “I know you don’t love me, Aoi; I’ve accepted that. But what makes me angry the most… is that I still can’t find a reason not to love you.”  
The silence that followed seemed unbearable. The brunet wiped at his eyes to no avail. Aoi stood frozen in shock. What was he supposed to say? He snapped out of his trance when Kazuki turned for the door. “W-Where are you going?” the guitarist stuttered.  
“Home.”  
“You can’t just leave,” Aoi protested, “not when we have a weekend planned. Besides, it’s pouring outside!” A clap of thunder came beyond the balcony door to prove his point.  
“What do you care?!” the younger demanded, whirling around to glare at him. “I know you don’t, okay?! It’s over; just leave me alone!” Kazuki yanked something off his hand and threw it at the other man. The elder flinched as the object hit his chest. It was like a woman throwing a tantrum in a movie. If the situation was different Aoi might have laughed. The brunet turned on his heel and stormed out of the room.  
Aoi called after him. “Kazuki?!” He was answered with the slam of his apartment door closing. The guitarist looked down at the object Kazuki had thrown, fallen to the floor after he had failed to catch it. He stared at a familiar-looking ring, taking a deep breath as he picked it up carefully, and fell back numbly to the couch. The ring seemed heavy in his hand. Aoi ran a hand through his hair. “Shit…”


	3. Chapter 3

Manabu looked up from his book when frantic knocking came from his apartment door. The guitarist wondered if Sakito had found himself stuck in the downpour and turned back. The knocking continued, prompting him to put down his book and scramble off the couch. Manabu ran to the door. When he opened it, however, the person in front of him was not who he had expected. “Zuki?” he blinked. The taller brunet looked miserable. He was soaked from head to toe, hair clinging to his face, dripping rain water on the hallway floor. Manabu noticed the duffle bag barely hanging from the other man’s shoulder. “What happened?”  
Kazuki shook with the effort not to cry. “Oh, god, Mane…!” he whimpered and let the sobs take over. The guitarist covered his face with his hands but the tears still escaped. Manabu had only to place a hand on his shoulder before Kazuki was in his arms, his cold, rain-drenched body a stark contrast to Manabu’s warmth. Kazuki continued to sob. His hands clung to the younger man’s clothes to emphasize his pain.  
“Uruha was there… wasn’t he?” the darker brunet ventured. Kazuki nodded, more tears streaming down his face. “Why did you come here? You know my apartment is the farthest away.”  
“I didn’t know where else to go,” the elder croaked.  
Manabu sighed. He rubbed the other man’s back with a soothing touch. “Come on. Let’s get you warm and dry before you catch something,” the younger suggested.  
While Kazuki was in the shower Manabu dried his clothes—including the ones in his wet duffle bag—and had a pair of clothes ready for his band mate. Manabu also made a large pot of miso soup and a fresh pot of coffee. He had told Kazuki to come out only after he was dressed and he had blow-dried his hair for good measure. This gave Manabu plenty of time for what he needed to do.  
“I’m sorry to be such a bother again,” the elder apologized as he sat at the small table between Manabu’s kitchen and living room.  
“Don’t worry about it; you’re not a bother,” Manabu assured him. He set a bowl of soup in front of his band mate first, then a bowl of rice, and lastly a mug of coffee.  
“This must be putting a kink in the good mood from your date…”  
The younger shook his head. “I’m glad for the company, to be honest. Usually I spend my days-off alone but… since Sakito has started spending the night… I get a little lonely for company when he doesn’t,” Manabu admitted. He looked at his hands to hide his blush. “I don’t blame him for it tonight, though; he has to get up early to go visit his parent,” the guitarist added.  
Kazuki hummed in thought as he took a spoonful of soup. He gave another hum, one of satisfaction, when the warm liquid ran down his throat. “You really know how to take care of someone, Mane,” he complimented. Manabu chuckled. “I wish a home cooked meal was the cure for a broken heart…”  
“The only cure for that is time,” his band mate said in a gentle voice. “Unfortunately, there’s no way to tell how much time,” he added, then, “but the guys and I will be here for you.”  
The brunet sniffled as new tears wet his eyes. “Mane,” he voiced with a grateful smile.  
“Oi. Stop crying; you’ll ruin the soup,” Manabu scolded playfully. Kazuki laughed and wiped his eyes. He finished his food, his grief making him hungrier than usual, grateful that Manabu didn’t press for information. He was even more grateful to Manabu when he started crying in the middle of the night and the younger reached over to hold his hand in comfort. In those moments, when Kazuki’s heart hurt to the point of tears, it seemed things would never be the same again.  
“I take it your plans with Kazuki are shot for the weekend,” Uruha said bluntly as he strode in to the living room. He had let himself in with a spare key and found the elder sulking on the couch. The brunet sat in the seat across from him.  
Aoi scoffed. “Any future plans with Kazuki are shot—nonexistent, actually,” he replied.  
“Why do you say that?” The elder held out the object in his hands. Uruha took the ring. “Is this the one you gave him?”  
“He threw it at me.”  
“What did he say? Tell me all of it.”  
Aoi took a deep breath. “He was angry that this was the start of our vacation and I couldn’t go even one night without seeing you. I told him we were working and he wanted to know if we were working on our pillow talk. I told him it’s not like that because I’m not gay. Then he said I’m not gay for anyone but you. He said it hurts him to see us being… affectionate with each other because he loves me. I said I know he does, but he said I don’t know. He said I don’t think he’s serious when he says it and I don’t know that, every time he sees us being intimate… his heart breaks… because he knows I don’t love him back. “Why do I have to love you?” he asked. “Why does it have to hurt so much? I know you don’t love me; I’ve accepted that.” Then he said what makes him angry the most is that he still can’t find a reason not to love me. I tried to get him not to go because we had plans and it was raining outside but he said I don’t really care, told me to leave him alone, threw the ring at me, and left.”  
Uruha listened to him in silence. When he spoke again his voice was harsh. “Are you stupid?” Aoi flinched at the words. “Of course he left! You were more worried about your plans and the weather than you were about him! I told you the kid adores you—I wasn’t lying or joking. I can see he loves you, Aoi, really loves you! Why do you keep torturing the poor guy? He thinks you like me and I like you. Let me tell you now that I don’t,” Uruha said in a firm tone.  
“I don’t like you like that, either,” Aoi defended himself.  
“Then tell him that! At least it’ll get me out of this mess. I’ve tried to get you two together for years now,” the brunet said in exasperation.  
The elder’s eyes brows raised in shock. “You have?”  
Uruha gave an irritated exhale. “Why do you think I tease you about him so much? I’ve been hoping you would get the hint. You two should be past the “making everybody else sick with your cuteness” stage by now.”  
Aoi stared at him. “Are you serious?” he asked, to which Uruha gave him a look that told Aoi he was very serious. “I can’t!” the raven haired man protested. “How many timed do I have to tell everyone I’m not gay?”  
“How long are you going to keep telling yourself that before you accept the truth?!” the brunet countered. He was so exasperated he stood up and glowered at his band mate. “You might not be attracted to other men, but you are attracted to Kazuki. Maybe you don’t love him yet but you do like him.”  
“What makes you so sure?” the elder asked cautiously.  
“Look at your apartment,” Uruha said for an example, spreading his arms out in gesture. “It’s been a mess for over a month. You were going to be gone for an entire weekend and a day and you still cleaned it up for “so Kazuki won’t see it as a mess and worry himself over me.” That’s what you told me when I came over earlier. You’ve been planning this trip for months because you found out that’s where Kazuki wanted to go the most. You offered to find him a cat when his hamster died so he wouldn’t be so sad anymore. When Reita said he looked ‘off’ the other day you went to check on him to see what was wrong. You talk about him all the time. When you two do something together the rest of us have to hear about it for a week. Do you remember how happy he was when you gave him that ring? He was so excited he showed it to the world. You two always smile when you see each other. When he disappeared the other night you went looking for him personally because you were worried something had happened. Do you need more examples?” he quirked.   
Aoi sighed. “I know I care about him; that’s all you’ve proved to me.”  
The taller sat back down. “Then let me prove why you two belong together. He memorized how you drink your coffee. The guys and I have known you for over ten years and we still don’t remember. He is bright and cheerful and it rubs off on you when you’re in a sour mood. If he’s sad, you’re sad. When he’s happy, you’re happy. You know what makes him happy and he knows what makes you happy. Do you realize the reason it’s been so hard for you to find your “ideal girl” is because Kazuki is your “ideal girl?” Think about it; he’s warm and affectionate but he knows when to give you some space. Why do you like his cooking so much?”  
“Because it’s made with love…” the elder admitted.  
“Exactly. Does he get angry easily?”  
“… No.”  
“You like being with him, don’t you?”  
“Of course I do. Why else would I have given him a ring exactly like one of mine, or picked him to be in my side band for PS Carnival? Why else would I go through all the trouble to take him to a place he’s wanted to go to since he was a kid?” Aoi demanded hotly. Uruha was silent for a moment as Aoi realized what he had said. “Oh…”  
“Good! Now that we’ve got that settled, let’s settle something else: You have to apologize, tell him the truth—something—or the rest of PSC will never be happy again. Heaven help you if you put us through any more drama. Use this weekend to figure out your feelings and stop lying to yourself. It’ll make things a lot easier for Ruki, Kai, and Reita, too.”  
Aoi’s brow creased. “Why?”  
Uruha scoffed. “Because Reita and Ruki feel a little outnumbered being the only two in a relationship out of the five of us. Kai and I are still working on that but at least we have accepted our preferences and don’t give any grief about it.”  
The elder registered what he had said. “Kai likes someone?” The brunet nodded. “Is it someone we know? Is he in the company?”  
“That’s not for me to say.”  
His band mate huffed. He was silent for a moment, thinking, while Uruha waited for him to speak again. “Okay… I’ll think about it,” Aoi conceded.  
“Good.”  
“I don’t know what my feelings are yet… but I’ll let Kazuki know as soon as I do.”  
Uruha smacked his hands on his knees and stood. “Then my work is done here,” he said, satisfied. The guitarist held out the ring he was still holding. Aoi hesitated but took it back. “Good night. I’ll see you next Tuesday,” the younger dismissed and headed for the door.  
“Uruha.” The brunet stopped just before the foyer door, looking back with a questioning gaze. “Is there someone you like?”  
“There is,” Uruha confirmed after a beat of silence.  
“Will you tell me who it is?” Aoi ventured.  
The younger smirked deviously. “If it works out.”  
Tuesday arrived slowly and, when two bands came to work, it was easy to see something was wrong. Kazuki had called in sick and Manabu was taking care of him so Byou, Rui, and Jin were to work on what they could. Aoi called in sick as well. Kai asked Uruha if the other guitarist really was sick, to which Uruha promptly said their band mate was sick in the head. Ruki didn’t miss a single beat. “Son of a bitch; they’re avoiding each other!” the vocalist proclaimed, throwing the papers he was holding in to the air to emphasize his frustration.  
“Seems like it,” Reita said in a calmer voice. He handed the papers that had landed in his lap back to Ruki without a word.  
“Did you talk sense into him?” Kai asked Uruha hopefully.  
The brunet exhaled. “We’ll have to wait and see.”  
Both guitarists were back to work on Wednesday. Kazuki had come in earlier, however, so the two did not see each other for quite some time. Aoi said nothing about the younger man to his band mates. He tried to get Kai to tell him whom the drummer liked but the only hint he received was that the other person was in their company. Kazuki, it seemed, was going to avoid Aoi as much as he could—or he was never going to be more than polite to the other again. Aoi had a plan of action, however, and there was no way he was going to let it fail.  
Manabu, Minase, Reika, and Kazuki were walking down the hall on the way to the kitchenette for lunch, caught in conversation and oblivious when Aoi passed by. He grabbed Kazuki by the hand to make him stop. “I need to talk to you,” he said, trying to be as calm as possible.  
The younger kept his eyes away. “There’s nothing to talk about,” he replied.  
“There is,” Aoi insisted. “You have to let me at least try to explain.”  
“Is something wrong?” Reika quirked nervously.  
Manabu ushered the two along the hall. “Come on, guys. We should give them some privacy,” he said and the three walked away, leaving the two guitarists alone in the hall.  
Aoi broke their silence. “I don’t like Uruha; not like that. And he doesn’t like me, either.” Kazuki said nothing. “We only flirt the way we do because… that’s how comfortable we are with each other. It doesn’t mean anything. Of course I care about you; how could you think I don’t? Did you really think I wanted you to go out into that rain and get sick? Kazuki…”  
Kazuki wrenched his hand free. “I’m fine. My friends are waiting,” he told the other in an even tone and began heading down the hall again. He gasped when he was grabbed again, his feet stumbling as he was pushed to the wall. Aoi’s body was close so as not to let him get away easily. The brunet kept his eyes on the floor. “Let me go.”  
“Listen to me,” the elder commanded in a stern voice. “I’m sorry I put you through so much pain. I know I can’t take it back, no matter what I say, but I am sorry. I do care about you; I care about you much more than I ever realized until this weekend. I realized how important you really are to me… with Uruha’s stern reprimand for how I’ve treated you.”  
“Uruha scolded you?”  
“He gave me a verbal slap in the face. The point is… I came to a conclusion about how I feel about you.” The silence that followed was unbearable. Kazuki’s heart beat with anticipation, hope, and fear all at once. His hands shook from the cold that washed through him. “I like you.” The brunet’s eyes snapped up in wide-eyed shock. “I don’t know if I love you like you love me—not yet. But I like you, a lot, and… if you are willing to give me a chance… I’d like to be your boyfriend.”  
Kazuki searched for words. He never thought he would hear Aoi say what he had. “Do you mean it?” was all the younger man could manage to say.  
“Yes.”  
“Prove it.”  
Aoi stared at him for a moment. He had not expected this to be easy by any means, but he hadn’t exactly thought out his battle plan this far. Suddenly, the raven haired man placed his hand at the back of Kazuki’s neck, leaned forward, and pressed his lips firmly to the pierced ones before him. It lasted only a few mere seconds and when Aoi broke the kiss Kazuki’s eyes were still wide. The elder reached into his jeans pocket, taking Kazuki’s right hand in his. “I like you, Kazuki,” he repeated before slipping a cold band of metal around one of the guitarist’s fingers; the matching ring Aoi wore on his own right hand. “Please… be my boyfriend.”  
Kazuki looked at the ring as a large smile spread on his lips. He placed his hands on both sides of Aoi’s handsome face and kissed him in reply. And Aoi kissed back, unable to deny that he liked the feeling it brought to his entire being, pulling Kazuki to him in a hug as soon as they pulled apart.  
Uruha grinned at the sight, disappearing behind the wall he was using to hide himself. “It’s about time,” he said to the taller man beside him.  
Tora chuckled. “Your matchmaking skills always work out in the end. That, and a verbal slap in the face,” he added and the two laughed quietly.  
“Yeah; they work for everyone but me.”  
“Why don’t I set you up with someone?” Tora suggested.  
The brunet raised a brow in intrigue. “And who would you set me up with?” he inquired.  
The taller pulled him close by the waist to look in to his amber-flecked brown eyes. “Me.”  
Uruha gave his most heartwarming smile. “I was hoping you’d say that.”  
Things would never be the same again… they would be better.


	4. "But I’m not gay!"  Extra

How do you tell someone you love them? Do the words actually have to be spoken? Is there a certain act of affection that will say the words for you? Can you say it through song? Or is the best thing to do just to say what’s on your mind first and foremost? How will they know you’re being sincere?  
How do you tell someone you love them?   
“Just tell him,” Ruki said, a hint of amusement in his voice at his band mate’s dilemma.  
“Is it really that easy?” Aoi asked. He looked like a lost puppy.  
“Does it have to be complicated?” the vocalist countered. “If you love him, tell him. Obviously you haven’t—yet.”  
The guitarist wrung his fingers together. “I wasn’t sure until a few weeks ago…” he admitted.  
“It’s been over a year now, Aoi. Don’t you think he’s tired of waiting?” the younger pointed out with a raised brow. “Now, of course he won’t rush you into it; he loves you too much. But I’m sure he wishes you’d just come out with it already.”  
“How did you say it?” Aoi inquired. His knee bounced up and down with nerves. “How did you tell Reita you loved him?”  
Ruki’s reply was blunt. “With a kiss and the right words.”  
“That’s it?”  
“That’s it.”  
“Hmm…” The elder worried his bottom lip between his teeth.  
The vocalist chuckled. “Aoi… if you’ve never said it, he’s going to know you’re being sincere. He knows you wouldn’t tell him unless you were absolutely sure first. Tell him how you feel. You already know he loves you back so there’s nothing to lose,” Ruki urged gently. He gave his best friend a gentle nudge in encouragement.  
“I’m home!” Aoi called as he stepped in to the quiet apartment. Soon enough he heard excited footsteps coming to greet him from another room. A brunet with several piercings gave him a large smile before wrapping his arms around Aoi in a hug. The elder chuckled. “Hey, babe.”  
“Welcome home,” Kazuki greeted. “I thought about waiting for you so we could come home together but they told me you’d be a while and there was stuff to do around the house so I came home first,” the younger explained in a rush.  
“That’s fine.”  
“Are you hungry? I can make something or we can order-in,” Kazuki asked, making his way in to the kitchenette.  
Aoi noticed instantly the younger was making his coffee. It was something the brunet always did first when the two stumbled through the door after extra long days of practice. He always took care of Aoi first and, sometimes, Aoi wondered if Kazuki thought he was being taken for granted. The elder watched the other man move around the kitchen.  
“Actually, I don’t want to cook,” Kazuki admitted. “Should I call Kitamura’s or should we do Chinese for once?” the brunet quirked cheerfully.  
“Chinese.”  
“Okay,” the younger grinned.  
“Kazuki…”  
“Hmm?” Kazuki hummed as he browsed the phone book for a good restaurant.  
“I love you.”  
“I love you, too.” Aoi thought he hadn’t been listening or hadn’t heard correctly at lack of response. He was almost starting to feel upset. Suddenly Kazuki froze. He whirled around to face him, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. “What?”  
Aoi found himself smiling. “I love you.” Kazuki said nothing. Instead, he placed a hand over his mouth as tears ran down his face without warning. Aoi could tell, however, that they were happy tears by the way the brunet’s eyes were shining. He made his way to the shaking man and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, taking the younger in his arms. Kazuki’s arms were around him instantly in response. “I love you, Kazuki.”  
“I love you.”


End file.
